The Eternal Child

My healing led me into the heart of my eternal wild child. To that innocent little girl who knows no other way to live than through her imagination and the wild weather of her emotional world. I surrendered to her. I asked her where it hurt. What feels broken? Why do you feel unworthy? How do your scars haunt you?

She took me on an adventure and introduced me to all her animal friends. And together, we mended. Repaired. Learned. Grew. Transformed. 

We built a kingdom. A peaceful pocket where we could embrace our pain and find its purpose. A world where unconditional love licks our wounds and heals the hurt. 

We learned the language of our animal friends, and they became our greatest guides. The trusty translator taming the growls, roars, and bites of our inner beasts. They helped us befriend the beastly side of human nature and greet immense pain and darkness with compassion, devotion, and a playful spirit. They helped us walk on the wild side and reconnected us with nature. They led us to their secret sanctuaries and ultimate places of refuge. They taught us about our triggers, the weather, the tides, the seasons, the deserts, valleys, mountains, and caves. The trees that turn trembles into tenderness. The herbs that humbly heal. The crystals that awaken the magic within and around us. The tones and textures that soothe the scrapes and screams and raging storms. The plants that calm fires that burn and burn and burn. The stars that tell us stories of where we've been and where we're going. The oceans that help us surrender to the sacred nature of our subconscious. The roots that help us rewire it gently, with genuine care and unconditional love. 

The list goes on and on. The treasure map is infinite and forever expanding. All it takes is learning to listen to the whispers and whimpers of our wonders and wounds. 

It also takes one other thing. Finding healing practices that tame the trauma and help embrace emotions. Many rituals became an anchor in me, a place where I restored the stillness of my mind so I could hear the unshakable truth of my heart and soul.

MY ANCHORS

• I took BATHS to calm my nervous system and communicate safety when the waters were rough, storms raged in my heart, and the tears wouldn't stop.

• I went FOREST BATHING when I felt lost and started to worry I'd be lost forever.

• I went on NATURE WALKS, picked wildflowers, made mini bouquets when I couldn't escape my imperfections and started picking myself apart.

• I ran to the OCEAN when my heart felt shattered into a million pieces, and I couldn't feel or imagine a glue strong enough to mend it back together.

• I went to EQUINE THERAPY when I could feel the fear knocking on locked doors in my heart and throughout my body.

• I went to SOMATIC THERAPY when I felt trapped. When my grief growled, my anger roared, my joy jumped, and I felt untrusting of my body and unable to process the trembling, triggers, and trauma.

• I did BREATHWORK when I felt completely frozen and couldn't see a way out of the darkness. Also, when I was terrified of inner silence and stillness.

• I always WROTE, but wildly when the war inside was sucking my energy and making me overthink every.little.thing.

• I turned to MEDITATION when panic knocked at my door, and my heart was pounding, and my chest was tight, making it hard to breathe.

• I did VORTEX ENERGY healing when my ancestors' voices echoed inside me, and the pain felt like it was from a past life.

• I DANCED A LOT, especially when my emotions felt stuck or I felt myself dissociating, and I needed to let my body know it was safe to feel and be free.

• I DOODLED when I went down the human rabbit hole of comparing myself to others.

• I SANG when my throat felt closed, my voice shaky, and the flashbacks of the abuse reminded me how often I abandoned my truth to people please out of fear or unworthiness.

• I JUMPED into the ocean when I needed to call on my courage and ask mother ocean to cradle me.

• I watched the BIRDS when I felt out of sync with life and needed to trust in nature's patterns and processes and the natural rhythm of life.

• I watched WINNIE THE POOH when I needed help weathering my doubts and diving into my emotions.

• I read KIDS BOOKS when the pain was overwhelming, and I needed to get out of the prison of my mind and into my heart.

• I threw the FOOTBALL when I needed to channel my anger and find the right fight for my body and soul.

• I played BASKETBALL when I didn't know how to trust life and needed a reminder of muscle memory's beauty and beastly nature.

• I COOKED myself nourishing meals when I needed to take pressure off and find flow and creative freedom.

• I pulled ORACLE CARDS when I needed to unwind the wound and receive immediate divine guidance.

The list of anchors and practices also goes on and on. While the feelings may be similar, each storm is different and therefore calls for a different remedy. I learned that there's an art to liberating the darkness, which involves utter and complete presence with what is. It also involves getting very creative with the balms I make for each battle. As I shed old skin, I had no choice but to reshape and reinvent the pathways in myself. Over time, feeling the pain became easier, and finding the right way to honor the storm flowed out of me effortlessly. My fluency freed me from suffering and propelled me to my purpose.

I couldn't have done this without the help of my Beasties. My inner beasts went from being thorns in my side to how I bloomed. From fighting against me to playing with me. From painful reminders to partners in compassion.

Thank you, Lil Rat, for the adventure of a lifetime. Thank you, animals, for being patient with me as I learned to understand your language. Thank you, beasts, for believing in me and helping me embrace the beauty of being broken. The perfection in the imperfection. And the joy in the journey.